


too slow, too fast

by omgcyj



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, i'm really emo sorry, markhyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 04:17:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16779433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgcyj/pseuds/omgcyj
Summary: "too slow, too fast, control the speed"; hyuck is falling fast while mark tries not to fall at all





	too slow, too fast

**Author's Note:**

> i thought about how mark is graduating from dream and got really emo and then watched all the vlives where hyuck complains about how mark won't watch movies with him because he's busy and i just :'((((( also i kinda acted like mark will barely see haechan once he leaves dream even though they're both in 127 but LeT's jUsT iGnOrE tHaT...also maybe i'll write this from hyuck's perspective because i wanna explore his emotions and how he feels when mark ignores him and his thought process and aaAAAaa

As the unspoken leader of NCT Dream, Mark knows he has to be tough. He’s been told his smile can stop time and heal wounds, so he smiles as much as possible, but his heart carries the burdens of six bright-eyed boys with soaring ambitions and overflowing potential. 

One boy, in particular, weighs his heart down to the point where he can barely walk straight, clogs his throat so he can’t breathe, blurs his mind so he can’t think straight. 

It takes every fiber in his body to maintain his self-control, to not succumb to the boy with glowing skin and the smile of a thousand suns. 

Mark pretends to be oblivious to Donghyuck's advances, although the less forward the boy is, the harder it is to ignore. Clingy hands pawing at Mark's sleeves and sudden attempts to peck Mark on the cheek dissolve into forlorn glances and subtle whines of discontent from the younger, and Mark can't believe he's thinking this, but he prefers Donghyuck's physical urges to the emotionally driven signals he's constantly sending. He scans the room while observing the Dream members and catches Donghyuck's eyes for a second, watching a plethora of emotions whirl in those chocolate brown eyes. He quickly jerks his head away before he's caught staring, but the swirling galaxies behind Donghyuck's eyes are ingrained in his retinas. 

He tells himself it’s for the best, tells himself if he leads the boy on, it’ll only hurt him in the long run. Tries to comfort himself by observing Donghyuck’s more subdued attempts to catch Mark’s attention, owing that to his continuous refusal to give in to the boy’s ministrations. And although Donghyuck no longer beseeches him with light pecks or unsatiated fingers, the desperation in his eyes remains. No, not desperation, but a strange mix of confusion and anger and hurt. A question of “Why are you doing this to me?” 

Mark wishes he could tell Donghyuck why. 

As he grew older, his burden grew more weighty. He’s aware that he placed this upon himself, but how couldn’t he, when he was nearing the end of his teenage years and his time with Donghyuck would be stretched thin? How could he indulge in the boy when he would have to leave Dream, how could he tell the boy what he wanted to hear when he wouldn’t be around anymore? 

Of course, Mark wants to be with Donghyuck in the same way Donghyuck wants to be with him, but he doesn’t think about his feelings towards the boy that often. It hurts him too much to ruminate over these things, so instead he focuses on what he must do to protect the younger. It’s his duty, he tells himself. He cages his emotions behind a steely wall, flashes a bright smile to the cameras when the recording button is on and gives directions to the Dream members off-camera but says no more. Each night, he runs through the pros and cons of giving into Donghyuck and tells himself he's doing something noble, doing the right thing by rejecting the boy in preparation for his absence. Of course, the word "noble" strikes a weird chord with him, but it temporarily satiates his haphazard mind. 

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for him, the members are none the wiser. If anyone suspected anything, they simply assumed it was a mild repeat of the famed “markhyuck summer fight of 2018.” The Dream members know these things happen, and usually stay out of it. 

Thus, Mark is left alone with his thoughts and the predicament of his life. 

And he thought his life would be set after debuting. 

He knew Donghyuck was slowly slipping away, but did nothing. Watched the grains of sand trickle down the hourglass, watched the hands on the clock move forward without attempting to rectify the situation. 

Time flies when you’re busy, the days blur into weeks and weeks blur into months when you’re promoting overseas and preparing for comebacks and having live performances, and yet Mark always knows how long it’s been since he last spoke sincerely to Donghyuck. 

He wants to hold him, wants to hug him, wants to kiss his forehead and stroke his plush brown hair and gaze into those chocolate brown eyes and run the pads of his fingers down the curve of his nose until they meet his cupid’s bow and tell him everything is alright, tell him he’ll stop rejecting him, tell him he feels the same way as the younger does. Wants to make the boy smile so his tan skin is practically glowing from within, wants to see him be the brightest full sun he can be. Wants to see his face grow pink with just the slightest blush dusting the bridge of his nose and his cheeks, wants to see his eyes light up as the galaxies swirl once again. 

And instead, he lets him go. For the best, he tells himself. 

Donghyuck always fell too fast, and Mark was afraid of falling.


End file.
